Stage fright

She twists in discomfort
The spotlight falling on her that much more hot
The crowd's eye eager for a performance she cannot render
And the shock wave of the hurricane butterfly in her belly
Sickens her to the pit
We're waiting, we're watching
Like the perverse who will not let it go
We want what we came for
And we'll even ask for more

Dizziness diffuses
She does discomfort no justice
The light becomes her saviour
And the others vanish in the hue
Of white light
I'm alright
Not that you ever cared to know
Dizzy spell winds its way upward
To lightness of head and tremors of little hands
That adjust each quake into well trained gestures
And as she begins she wipes away all their sins
For they are
No more
No less
No longer
A mess to make right
To give sight
It's just her and her music
And the light


It's just what I do

It's just what I do
To watch you smile
In that naked sort of way
In such earnest
To see the steam
Rise in white streams into the cool air
At an outdoor cafe
In Paris

It's just what you do
To playfully don your femininity
In that graceful kind of way
In such modest assuredness
To feel the string between us tug
At our curiosity and simple wonder
In Paris

City creature

The city is a a different creature these days
Having shed her winter coat
She's almost unrecognizable to me
Though she intrigues me still

I woke to the thought of you
Smiled and got on with starting my day
While I know you are deep in slumber
I wonder what you dream about
And how all our dreams play a role in our waking lives

I have been reading a lot this week
Of civilization and the philosophers' ideas 
I hear my own hopes echo in some of their words
I am given into moments of seeing bigger pictures
Of realizing that most of what I know is still conditioned, socialized and not entirely my own pure thought 
But this inspires me to forge my own meaning

I think of you in this context
And smile


Arrival SF

Arrival and up the escalator
The sky is bright with only a sliver missing from the moon
It's only Wednesday night but the city is alive in a quiet sort of way
Hushed conversations at little sidewalk tables over half filled beers, and wine glasses aching for more
They all look so pretty in the chaos of their vestment.
All the usual places, but the taste of something new stands out unexpectedly in times of greenback woes
But the people here heed the precarious way
There is life to be lived, places to be, stories to be shared and a city stage to be played upon
I walk the new streets shining little embedded sparklets like mini diamonds thrown about my feet
I am reminded of that which was once so everyday to my life but is now a chapter behind. No need to relive it, but I read back upon its pages to revive an ideology that set my being alive.
I am a stranger, but just the same the king of these streets. I tagged the walls here once with my story and I am comforted by the mark I have left.
I will go to see my friends now, to commune in our memories and to formulate new ones for the next free days ahead.


Te revoir

It's lovely to see you again
And your grayish sky that still brightens my senses
I walked along the main vein
And arrived to the beloved quarter that first captured my heart
I arrive this time not as a stranger
But as an acquaintance who has not visited for some time
I am happy to see you -- if even for a bit
And to mix in your smokey company,
Your cosmopolitan air and illusory charm
Hello Paris



We get into our space
Cozy up to a book with a day's rain
Do not foresake what you have
And all its majesty.
It will not always remain
The wisdom will be tempted to sway
But the stop, drop and roll
Will lift it up again

We make the most of our day
In the love we give each other
In the calm, cool and care
We wear on our sleeve
A proud badge of our confidence
No need for defenses
I am a fortress to myself
Mighty happy in my humble exuberance.

Free market of life

Have I let go of my ways
Free market of life
No longer reigned in by propriety, value system or rules of social engagement
But by free market demand and reign
The weight of thinking
The weight of responsibility
I let it go
It floats away
Like a lovely balloon
Light of helium

I may regret
But not if I drink enough
It won't stick
Or hold
Or make me feel old
I can hold a lick
By the thick
Of my mistakes and consequences

But I shouldn't let go so easily
All the wisdom they passed on


Inspired by RadiohED

Who let you out of your cage?
Oh shit, my bad
I stepped into your ring
Duck and near miss.
Every time I formulate a thought
I have to watch out for the aim of your wrecking ball
every time I try to connect the dots
you come by with your ray gun to erase my thoughts
'We will not stand for your so-called madness'
But I thought I was the voice of reason?
We will not drink of your Prozac gladness
Hurry up and pass over the flask
Kitty cat with clever claws
my ideas are in shreds by their flaws
But I thought you were the voice of treason
the devil's earworm making me squirm
Caste your eyes on High
We will not reach for your big Blue sky
Someone light some incense and start the seance
and turn the hour glass to measure the fragments of an instance
and whisper your raised hush, and raise your whispered voice
An octave high to the shattered glass
we cannot pass through this Life and other ethereal spaces
not with these thickly made up stage faces--I have an idea
Hold still for the pretty wrecking ball


No matter what you expect of me

No matter what you expect to see
There's a little spell
Of show and tell
And split image of reality

You know what it means to me
And you gotta have a feeling of how it ought to be
Coloured up in a fright
Decorated in delight
That somewhere in the mix you'll find a little harmony

It's a gift for some
Though it should be a must for all
Someone bangs the drum
Standing proud and tall

It's no matter what they want to show
What really matters is what you already know
Let's take a little speedway drive
Never mind all they contrive
We've got a much better place to go
When doubt sets in

Sparks of hope coming flying
Don't let fear win
You only insult your faith
No falsity in your emotion or state of being
It's just a matter of weathering the moment and getting past the bumpy ride
The storm can't sustain eternity, it will eventually subside.

Look onto your horizon
And know without a doubt
That you'll reach the other promised side

Thank You for this day
Thankful for this day
Sprinkled with relief and comfort
Settled by reassurance, though I should never have doubted.


Honey song (inspired by PS)

It all starts with a smile
and a spark, an invitation
of the heart
Two glasses of wine
make for a fine time
and the conversation
flows like honey flows
like love--a little sticky
but a lot of sweetness
so be cautious to its crime
music mingles in the mix
and it's up with birds
you said it was hard write a song
so I thought I'd prove you wrong
I've the memories of an amnesiac cured
who's fine pen might guide his word
and through the back door
of music and the meanings
it does intend
we stumble on the fears
we should not defend
and touch, we break its barrier
the Major Minus is the temptation
I long to carry her
into honey relation
Love is like honey
so sweet, but sticky
you have to be careful
about having some
because if you don't both continue
to share its sweetness
you'll find yourself
in a sticky mess


We are distant
to one and the sun
we run circles
to the past
and what we've done
A little discombobulated
by the lines drawn in the sand
and the hands left in the pocket
for what you don't understand
We are one
flight and wings, the wind
we are weight in the vacuum gravity
I'm as light as I want to be
and the isotope of
I am burden
magic disappearing act
You left the office light on
until I realized you never really came home
wrapped up in your polygon
right and wrong
heaven's here
...and then it's gone

Serious nonsense

I haven't fallen in love
in quite some time
Just piece together
some affection and companionship
every now and again
But I watch the way
you move and the secret joy
you keep
and the laughter that you roll out
I sense the confidence with which
you engage the world
It triggers a sense of admiration
on my part, it triggers a chord
in my heart
I watch your determination,
purpose, intention, and earnestness
It makes me wish
to peel the thin layer of superficiality
that I've so longed to shed
I watch your no-nonsense and
yet catch your growing
I like the way
you play
I choose only to be in
your space for the simple joy
it brings
And I'm curious about your
vulnerabilities... for your front
is so stalwart, but I know
we all carry our doubts
and it's only that I want to rest you assure
and confirm your bravery
I tear off my clothes and don
the potato sack
I will dance of sadness
mixed with tears of looking
I will dance with joy
for the little boy
that can't have it back
I will have to answer
on the final day
I will make amends at the gate
the love we share will have
to be reconciled to the hate
we make

one and alone

I see my ghost in the reflection
I'm searching for some
sort of protection
but the harm has been done
the day has been won
and she will come, one
one and alone
to take her seat on the throne
It may be a grey day outside
and the sun may have good
reason to hide
while I figure out whether it's
really a matter, or if it's just
my pride
Mother's gone
what have I done
to play the part
of the aching heart
She gives every drop
to that boy lost in his pop
to that girl
who loved the world
"it's no secret"
she held on to everything
she had--it's no wonder
she wasn't all too glad
to go out that way.

In other places

I don't know why I
couldn't feel in the moment
But I feel it now
Wrapped up in a blanket of
frozen suspension
Closed me off from others,
from myself, and from the one
that I love.
But despite my confused
and absent state of mind,
I pray that my physical presence
could speak to
the meaning of things--
the respect, the honor,
the commitment, the dedication,
the service, the gratitude, the history,
the forgiveness, the present spirit,
the joy, and the everyday
of my love for you.
I hope you heard it in my
scared shitless silence
I hope you hear it now
in my tear drenched pillow


I'm an optimist
because I can feel that
love is between us.
Because it's euphoric,
and because it hurts.

Two worlds

Paradise is the sound of your voice
Driving Carolina
Feeding him or he'd forget

Reaching higher for each other
You couldn't have found a better lover

There for me when I'm good,
when sick
There's something about how
you do that trick

When you take that stage
and the chorus of your voice
in a sultry rage
that connects two worlds
a pretty unique story of a boy and a girl

Build on the dream, build
on the reality

Just another jet plane
for a talk, a reunion
no two days are ever the same

Highs and lows
heaven knows

Reaching higher for each other
you couldn't have found a better lover

When our hearts are joint
it makes an exclamation point

Create, make

We have an innate spirit to create
those things we possess should serve as tools
of addition and expression
we do not let them own us, in ownership
we own them to be makers of life, art, new thought, feeling
all of those things that are wonderful about our humanity.
The accessories we don reflect our style
and the mood of our spirit
as it is in the spectrum
of time and within the incremental moment
What do you create?
A story, a song,
a sense of something good
a new experience to cherish,
a memory to relish,
a question,
a feeling of wellness and hope.
Make love,
make wholeness,
make repair,
make connection,
make meaning and self definition.
Make communication and translations.
Make joy.
Make sure...
you give thanks for all you've been granted and gifted to make.